"We teach girls to shrink themselves . To make themselves smaller.
We say to girls "you can have ambition, but not too much. You should aim to be successful. But not too successful, otherwise you will threaten the man".
Because I am female, I am expected to aspire to marriage, I am expected to make my life choices , always keeping in mind that marriage is the most important . Now marriage can be a source of joy and love and mutual support , but why do we teach girls to aspire to marriage and we don't teach boys the same? We raise girls to see each other as competitors . Not for jobs or for accomplishments, which I think can be a good thing . But for the attention of men , we teach girls that they cannot be sexual beings in the way that boys are".
Chimamanda Ngozi Adichie
2014 just arrived and I have to admit... I don't know about you but January 1st I woke up like it was any other morning. I didn't feel some big red velvet curtain lift up and reveal a whole new world called "2014", I didn't feel relief that I would no longer be writing 2013 at the end of each month and I didn't jump up and down and yell "yayyyy HAPPY NEW YEAR". Is that because I'm not 17 and happy I'm nearly 18? Or is it because I'm 9 months away from being 25 and my life needs to be in order by then? Or is it because I'm quite happy with my days right now and in no rush to wish and hope them away? I looked at the television and watched the second hand tic 57, 58, 59... 12:00. 2013 was a year filled with days and months, just as 2014 will be. I did write my resolutions though and chatted with K about hers. She told me, "to be successful, healthy and happy, oh and to kick a** at work", I told her, "you can't have those! They're too broad! How will you tick those off your list?! You need new ones!". Goals to tick off is what everyone moves towards isn't it? Pay off debts- tick, buy house- tick, vacation to Mexico- tick, get boyfriend- tick, get engaged- tick, have children- tick. Well the only one of those on my list is, pay off debts and... mexico.
I've recently started my new job. Bar tending. Bar tending. Bar tending. Ok I admit, I didn't study 5 years at university to imagine I'd graduate, move to America for 18 months, be a nanny for 6 months and a bar tender for 12 months. That wasn't in the blue print. But I'll tell you now, I've never worked harder for a dollar than I did last Saturday behind a manhattan bar. Have you ever made a cocktail before? I hadn't. Ever. Like, ever. Until I started a job and realised we had a specialty cocktail list with 10 unique drinks that I needed to memorise and learn how to make them. Right then. "Rachel make me a Park Avenue". "A what? You said two ounces? Whats an ounce? On the rocks? What rocks?". I don't know if it was my ability to act like I knew what was going on or my Australian accent but I made it through my trial and got the job. Bar tending is a great place to people watch. To observe and watch as people interact. You'll meet some very interesting people, so far it's people that want to tell me about how much they want to visit Australia but I'll take that. I've had a few instances where people have only picked up my accent after a few minutes of talking, "oh are you Australian?". I've found that if I'm surrounded with Americans some of my words will begin to blend. Whoops. I was told the other day, the difference between those who keep their accents in foreign countries and those who lose them, depends on the individuals desire to hold onto their heritage or their desire to adapt to the new culture. I like to think I have a mixture of both. I love Australia, always will but why would I be living in New York if I didn't want to absorb some of my surroundings (but New York you can keep your accent for now).
In 2013 I came to New York in the search of "something more"... in 2013 I felt like I was thrown out of an aeroplane at 14,000 feet and left free falling. Occasionally I would rest on a cloud, take a breath, look around and then dive straight off again. Nothing was solid. 2012 was a year of a guided GPS road trip. Designated rest breaks, food stops, petrol stops to refuel and hotels booked along the way to take a breath and sleep for the allocated 7 hours 5 minutes and 48 seconds. I worked 7 days a week, studied in the minutes that were spare and had my check list colour coded and time lined that hung above my desk. I ticked all those boxes. I succeeded. But what are my boxes now?
In the spirit of 2014 and "new beginnings", what is it I'm striving for? Well I'm giving myself until December 16, 2014 in New York. If something happens between now and then, I might decide to stop on that cloud a little longer, but otherwise I will keep free falling until I hit the ground back in Australia in 2015. The problem with moving and travelling and living in different countries is, there is only one sky and you can only fall through one sky. It's impossible to have all your family, all your friends and all your hopes and dreams aligned in the same sky. Living in New York is living without my grandparents, my parents, my extended family and friends. However, living in New York has opened my eyes to a world I didn't know existed. 2014 will be a year of yes instead of no, a year of work and play, a year of friends and new family and a year of appreciating. Time waits for no one and unless I want to suffer a quarter life crisis (it's inevitable I fear) I need to embrace 2014 and the year of 25. I am ambitious and strive for success, in whatever cloud I may land on next. It takes some time to adjust to the altitude. For anyone who has actually jumped from an aeroplane, they'll know that it takes a few seconds to learn to breathe while the air is rushing at you, flying at a speed you've never experienced. It takes your eyes a few seconds to adjust to the view and it takes your heart a few seconds to calm its beat and enjoy the ride. I've adjusted and learning to enjoy the ride that is New York.
Welcome 2014.
R x
