you.have.no.idea.what.is.about.to.happen.

"I'm a little concerned that I will always be a wandering gypsy... is that bad?". 

This has been a reoccurring conversation between my friends and I of late. The discussion of living abroad in America but the looming reality that this isn't actually our 'home' country and there will come a time when it's time to board the plane and go 'home'. But what if I'm not finished wandering? Does wandering have a time frame? Or is wanderlust a personality trait? Over a wine in Little Italy on Saturday night my friend opened up, "this might sound silly but I guess I came here to find myself...", that doesn't sound silly I thought, and I said "isn't that why we're all here? No one travels to the other side of the world in search of nothing... we are all looking for something". 

Last week I celebrated my 24th birthday, 24, twenty-four, tweeeentyyy-four... thats old... right? I know, I know, you're only as old as you feel but 24 is 24, I'm not 18 anymore (well, thank goodness for that).

Birthdays are a challenge. no matter where you are. no matter who you are.

There is always an element of pressure to have a good day, because... it's YOUR biiiiirrrthday! Things that wouldn't normally bother you, bother you and people you don't usually hear from, you hear from but all you really hope for, is a 'good' day and if you're lucky, a 'great' day.

Well, this year, for 24, I was in New York City. Who would have thought, a year ago when I celebrated 23 at Dee Why RSL, I'd be in New York City for 24.

Well I was.

I was in New York City... I was in New York City... I was in New York City...

I don't think I'll ever get used to saying that. 

I was a little nervous this year. A long way from home, a long way from my friends and my family who always put in so much effort to make it a 'great day'. Would that happen here? Would I have a great day? I sent a text to a friend back home with the words, "I really don't want Sunday to come, I just want to skip it". I was placing big expectations on this year and I was feeling like the grinch wanting to cancel christmas. But I just took a breath, let it go and decided what would be, would be. 

And you know what, I think this year may have been the best birthday weekend I have ever had. 

On Saturday I spent 9 hours with my two amazing friends, one Australian and one Columbian. We danced, jumped, laughed, smiled, sat, sweated, drank and looked at each other in awe at the realisation we were surrounded by thousands of others who had travelled to this one place, Randall's Island in New York City. We were at the Electric Zoo music festival, a festival unlike any I've been too. People dressed in the most outrageous outfits, wearing the most inventive costumes I've seen, but all this craziness created a space where you could just be who you wanted to be. Dance the way you wanted, jump, swing, twerk, whatever you want- this space was yours. We were here, we were one of the thousands. And I realised, as I looked at these two girls... I was begining to make another shiny safety net. I blogged several months ago about how hard it was, leaving my friends from home as they were my shiny safety net, always there to catch me when I fell. But here I was, completely thankful, completely blessed to be next to these two girls to bring in my 24th year in New York City.

These are the days we will look back on and think "gosh I wish I could go back". Each moment is something different and here I am. This isn't a book, this isn't a movie, this is real life. My last blogpost may have seemed a little anti- New York. But as my days roll into weeks and my weeks roll into months, New York continues to open herself up to me. The good, the bad, the nice and the mean. My birthday weekend revealed to me that New York, at some point, I don't know when or how but New York has actually become home. As I received text messages and phone calls to wish me happy birthday, my phone lit up just as it would back in Australia. Texts from people in America, that last year were not in my life. I had plans with my girlfriends and I got presents from people who I could tell knew me, really really knew me. The gifts they gave me completely reflected the person I am today. These people... are my New York family. 

"Do you have family here?" somebody asked the other day, well... perhaps I do. 

As I sat around the table, it was like I'd never been anywhere else. These people were now my people. We were each others people. Because thats what happens. No matter how much planning, organising, thinking and dreaming you do... it'll turn out just the way its supposed too. Just like my paper plane... completely unpredictable. 

And even when you least expect it, you'll find an Australian, or two or three. Even amongst thousands of people (it helped he was wearing a flag). But it doesn't matter where you are, Australia is always "home" but sometimes you've got to embrace the new, the different, the chaos, the unexpected and it's then you realise the you've got a shiny safety net surrounding you... again and you're going to be just fine. 

Four Australians.

What have you learnt Rachel? I've learnt to live in this very moment. I am a thinker and a planner. But not just a 'rough sketch' planner. I usually have a blue print. I think of the ways life is going to unfold, my diary (or schedual as Americans call it) is full of red pen, blue pen, green, blue, pink and orange highlighters- dates running up to April 2014. This is planner Rachel. And planning is good, I wouldn't be here now if I hadn't put a reasonable amount of thought and planning into it. However, what I've realised is.... you.have.no.idea.what.is.about.to.happen. I must have spent hours upon hours thinking what life would be like when I moved to America, how my friends would be, how my weekends would be spent, how work would be and what would I do when my 12 months was up? Thoughts, upon thoughts, upon anxieties on what would happen when it happens? Nearly 5 months in and I am so far from where I expected to be it's almost shocking. It's not better, it's not worse, but it's not where I expected to be. The picture, will never be the reality. So stop expecting and just do it.

Tomorrow will figure itself out. xx

Thanks for the present Mila xx