Paper Planes: 2013-05-12

I am an only child. It's just me. And this is a fact I have always stomped my foot at. Countless times I lay in bed as a child, squeezing my eyes shut as if I could magically create a sibling. But, unfortunately I'm no Jeanie so no siblings appeared and it remained just me. I'm not sure why it bothered me so much (and sometimes still does). Perhaps it has something to do with not having that someone who has to always be there for you no matter what (ideally). It's someone to keep you company at night in your room, or in the long car trips or at the Christmas lunches. It's another human on earth who gets your stuff like you get their stuff. You get each other. However, determined as I was, I went on to find my siblings. Or perhaps life created my siblings. Either way, I have my beautiful friends. I love them like siblings. We sometimes fight like them too but no matter what I know they are always there for me. And me for them.

The reason I mention this is because people speak of "needing to be on your own to find yourself". There have been times before I had thought I'd been alone. Many times before I thought I'd found myself. Found my core. Found Rachel. But little did I know, I have never really been alone.... because I always had a shinny safety net to catch me if I fell. This net was delicately weaved within the trees, the streets, the cafes and all the places that I lived and breathed and experienced with my friends. There was always an open door to walk through, a shoulder to cry on and someone to keep me company. And I think this is why New York completely and utterly rocked me when I arrived. It is like being strung to a tree by your foot, dangling upside down. Where the hell was my shinny safety net? And WHY did I keep hitting the ground? I wasn't used to this. What is this place and how do I get back to my net ASAP!

The silence was deafening. And for the first time it really was just me. Here I was, on the other side of the world and it was just bloody me. How did I land this stupid deal and when is it ending? Well it turns out, I kinda like this.

Here I am, creating my life. My way. From scratch. It was scary as sh** and I would have traded anything for my shinny net back, but I'm learning without it. This week I finally have some structure to my life (for those who know me know that my life without structure is like wearing shoes without socks... sooner or later it gets sticky and uncomfortable and usually stinks). Structure has arrived in the shape of a bar. I have started my Bar Method classes. It's pretty pricy in comparison to the gyms but so worth it. Flowers, perfumes, candles and a seriously serious workout.

A 60 minute workout using techniques from dance and ballet to work and HURT every muscle in your body. All while you're standing in front of a mirror. If I hadn't found myself before now.... well I've found her for sure now. Staring at myself, my arms, my stomach, my squats, my lifts.... seemed I was starting to get a little soft (HA American food you don't win yet). It seems when you have no structure (slash plans/friends/life) you finish work and.... eat American food. This is fine for a holiday, but not for a year.

The Bar Method.

Facing myself in the mirror while I grip the bar and follow instructions for 50 leg lifts, I'm looking around the room and see women in their fifties lifting higher than me. Challenge accepted (this may take some time, these women are impressive). The instructor circles the room, already knowing everyones name so when your technique drops "Rachel, shoulders back, feet wider". Rather than a gentle push, this is a hard knock to work harder, does everyone know I'm Rachel?

This morning I was happy to get out of bed and start the day. Even though, just like last week, it's just me. But I think I'm ok with that now. For 60 minutes Monday through to Friday the Bar Method will be keeping me busy and keep me sane and probably a little sore.

So this week, without realising it, I'm starting to find my feet. Calling home to friends and family keeps the sparkle in my net, even though it isn't here to catch me right now. Instead I'm spending my days getting outside, playing outside with the kids (a 7 year old out scored me in basketball today), borrowed some books from the library (haven't done that since I was in primary school) and making plans for the weekends :)

Basketball with the kids.

Reading reading.

I stumbled across an article today. An article about love and emotions (does anyone actually like that word?). I read on anyway.

"We need to move away from this constant need of coming across as calm, cool and collected. WE WEREN’T BUILT TO BE CALM, COOL, AND COLLECTED. If we were, it wouldn’t feel so f**king exhausting all the time. It would, you know, come naturally to us. You know what comes naturally to human beings though? Being open, being messy, being raw, being unfiltered, having lots of feelings...".

Reading this I instantly shared the link with a few of my friends. Amazing. True. And I'm going to take the risk on myself. Because I think thats just as vulnerable. It's just as vulnerable to sit with yourself and your thoughts. So thank goodness I took that leap and after stumbling.... landed here. Because I think I'm right where I need to be.

Well hello there weekend.

How I had been looking forward to this. For the first time since arriving in New York, I had plans for every part of the weekend (high-five Rachel). Friday night pulled in and tonight A and I would be going to see The Great Gatsby. Firstly, we ordered pizza and chicken at the movies (I'm sure this doesn't happen at Hoyts in Sydney? Perhaps in La Premiere but I haven't experienced it yet). I ordered a large coke (without thinking) and to my surprise (should have known better by now) I was handed a coke that needed carrying with two hands. And of course the total came to $22 for my movie ticket, pizza and large coke (totally affordable, how is this possible) a cheap date to the movies.

Just a large coke thanks.

I was already feeling lighter and brighter for being here tonight. I had picked A up in my car (I love driving, makes things seem more normal) and we chatted about our week along the way (temporarily got lost, apparently you cannot always trust the iPhone). Driving at the moment requires so much concentration, when I have no idea where I'm going, travelling 60 m/h down a freeway, someone is chatting next to me and I'm driving on the wrong side of the road, but we made it. Now we are sitting in the movies like normal. I feel a little slice of normalcy. For a moment, when sitting inside the darkened theatre...

I completely forgot I was in America.

I don't think I've ever seen a bad film with Leonardo DiCaprio and The Great Gatsby is no exception. This film is the most intense, suspenseful movie I have seen in a long time. I explained it to a friend as "10 x more tragic than Romeo and Juliet" but in a good way. It's amazing and absoloutley everyone should go and see this.

8am Saturday morning and for some strange reason I was wide awake. With the family downstairs awaiting the arrival of their grandparents I decided to go for a long walk and find some coffee. I put on my NY hat which I had purchased in December on my last trip here and as I walked down the stairs the boys were not impressed as they informed me I was actually wearing a Yankees hat, NOT their team (how did I miss the fact I've been wearing a Yankees hat for the last few months... hmmm so not an American yet). Well at least I now have a hat to wear to the Yankees game. Headphones in, Nikes on, sunglasses on and walked myself right into a Starbucks (I'm finding it hard to find better coffee at the moment). I decided to be a rebel and try something new. Asked for an Iced Moche Espresso for $2.75 (cheap cheap cheap). Unfortunately this tasted a little cheap cheap cheap. But for this morning it would have to do.

Yankees with a side of Iced Mocha.

Arriving home, it was time to shower and get changed as I was about to get into the car and take my first long trip out onto the freeway to visit my friend Bek in Morristown, New Jersey. Typed the address into the Navman (my new best friend, her name is Jane) and set off. A few fun facts about the freeways. #1. merging lanes don't really exist, when the cars come off from the right hand lanes they enter your lane almost instantly, this is annoying if you're trying to merge and if you're the one driving along at 60m/h it requires some ninja driving skills to emerge (which of course I already had). #2 I'm pretty sure NO ONE drives the limit. While it is a slightly known fact that I have the tendency to drive like a Nana back home in Sydney (I simply stick to the limit), I feel like I am driving a tractor on these roads in America. If I am sitting comfortably on 65 m/h (roughly 105km/h) the cars are STILL flying past me SO fast. On these 3 lane roads I'm currently choosing to stick to the middle or the right (yes yes, the slow lanes).

I287 New Jersey.

Arriving in Morristown. Beautiful houses lining the street. Bek and I drive into the town centre on the hunt for some lunch. Today is good. We found a nice little Japanese restaurant and I decided that I'd taken enough new risks today (with my Iced Mocha) that I would order my usual Teriyaki chicken and Miso soup. In that moment it was as if I could have been sitting in Harbord in Sydney with my two best friends as we always did. Nestled in a tiny Japanese restaurant in Morristown New Jersey, I once again found a little slice of normalcy. Bek and I chatted about what our plans would be for this year ahead, how we would be keeping busy and deciding how to explore this country. And then, all of a sudden she nearly choked on some rice and I couldn't help but laugh. We both laughed (trust me it was funny).

Miso soup.

My favourite.

Saturday night had finally rolled around. And so had the thunder, lightening and rain. 430pm I am laying down taking a rest and my roof came alive with rain drops. Then my phone came alive with a message, from who knows where, that stated "Emergency Alert: Flash flood warning this area until 530pm. Avoid flood areas". Hmmm, I felt this was a little dramatic, I mean it had only just started raining. Floods or no floods I was going to Manhattan tonight. Got ready, messaged my friend T and the plans were set to meet at 6pm. Time to get ready. My Australian straighter is not being my friend and has not being cooperating since I arrived, I will have to buy a new one. Hair up tonight.

Bettina's first visit to the city.

The rain hd stopped (Hooray!) and I was waiting patiently for the bus (although that word doesn't really exist in my vocabulary). It decided to arrive 25 minutes late. Perfect opportunity to ring Mumma bear for Mothers Day in Sydney. First mothers day in about 5 years that I have missed but I had preplanned and left a present and card for her in Sydney. Was really good to talk to her and she finished the conversation with a little something she had read from a book (I'm not quite sure which one) but something like...

You're the baby bird who flew from the nest and I will be your tree you fly home too.

Thanks Mumma. Then a relatively quick bus trip into the city. I wanted to share with you the first sight of Manhattan (and yes that is an elderly man typing on his iPhone, I for one was impressed). Although the picture is blurry (I was also trying to hide the fact I was taking a picture as I may as well have TOURIST tattooed on my head which I am trying not to be!) you can see the Empire State standing tall.

From a distance.

New York, Saturday night. It's busy. An American told me earlier this week "Downtown you're sure to have a good time, Uptown you're sure to have a great time... Midtown is sure to let you down". His point being that the real New York is found within the streets of Chelsea, or West Village or along the Upper West Side or the lower East Side but not within the crammed tourist areas of Madison Square Garden and Times Square (which makes sense).

Saturday night in Manhattan. Taxi anyone?

I'm waiting on the street, dusk is here and so are the crazies. Thankfully only a few minutes passed and "Rachel?", T had arrived. We set off to find a place to have a drink. What better place than one with Happy Hour? We had literally 3 minutes until it was over so swiftly ordered some Margaritas (not a hard decision).

Margaritas please.

Time went SO fast and already it was 8pm and we needed to meet up with some others to head to watch the Knicks game downtown. T introduced me to his friend E, she is here for 3 months on an internship from England (also where T is from). I think I said all of 3 words and she said "where the hell are you from?!" Honestly, the Australian accent sticks out like nothing else sometimes. More so with the English accent than the American I think.

On the subway downtown and I'm looking at the people sitting directly across from me. There were about 10 of them, each so individually unique. I'm not really sure how to explain. They were so full of character and REALLY bright and bubbly as they spoke. Just as I was pulling out my phone to take a picture, E turned to me and said...

"is it just me or do you feel like we are in the High School Musical?"

I couldn't stop laughing. It wasn't just me who saw it. So now I had to take pictures. As the subway pulled up to our stop, no lie, they started harmonising. E and I nearly fell over. Is this for real? We were right! Right? Who knows who they were or where they were going but maybe there will be a YouTube clip soon.

High School Musical.

Flash Dance or High School musical.

The Knicks game was playing on all the screens in the bar. Everyone had a shirt or a cap on supporting their team. Bud Light (the real American drink) was the only choice. This felt like America as the bar erupted with cheers when the Knicks scored.

Last week I was speaking to the neighbour and she spoke about her year in Spain when she was younger...

"being away from home for a year is hard and everything is different and it'll take time and effort to make it work but no matter what hapens... this will always be your little part of the world. In 20 years when you return with your children you can show them where you lived and what you did".

As I drank my beer and stood at the bar with this group of people, laughing and chatting, I realised..... holy sh** I have friends?! I was standing in a bar in Manhattan having a normal night and feeling completely comfortable. A month ago I didn't even know these people or this bar. But right now. This was my new slice of normalcy.

My first taste of Bud Light.

New York Knicks. Side Bar. Union Square. Manhattan.

I had to go home early for work the next morning, so now a New Yorker I set off for the Subway on my own. T asked if I was sure I'd be ok? and E responded "just keep your Knicks headband on, you look like a kick boxer, you'll be fine" and I was fine (and I did keep the headband on). I read an article last week which read When you know you're a real New yorker, #1 you cringe when you hear "It's shooooowtime! on the subway". 10:30pm Saturday night and I hear "ladies and gentlemen it's showtime!" Then comes the music and then comes the swinging from pole to pole, flips and turns, all while the subway is speeding down the tracks. To my surprise, sure enough, 80% of people didn't look and didn't care about this act. So of course I tried to blend in and just quietly raised my phone up to take a photo, rather than rushing to the front row to watch like I had secretly wanted too.

Ladies and Gentlemen its SHOWTIME.

Subway performances.

Time for home.

Sunday had arrived. Mothers Day here in America. But I had one last date with my pretty city. I wonder if I will ever stop thinking this way? Thinking that she's so beautiful and magnificent. As I walked through the bus station, up towards the doors... the glare of yellow taxis everywhere lets you know the city is surely alive today.

8th Ave and 42nd Street.

There is nothing like a crazy man behind you to get you walking like a New Yorker! Walking down 8th Avenue 12:30pm Sunday and I hear someone hysterically laughing behind me, intrigued as to what was so funny I turned around.... to realise that it was just one man, laughing... at the ground? I think. He kept up a steady pace, lunging forward sometimes as his laughter got too much. He was probably completely harmless, but I kept up an Olympic walkers pace just in case.

I met T and Bek and we set off towards the Highline walk. We weren't sure exactly where it was but with a rough idea we set off. Sure enough we spotted a group of tourists (I'm telling you they are easy to spot! with their maps and cameras for the ready) and so we followed them. We found it. And what a beautiful thing to find. An elevated garden walk, taking roughly 30 minutes through the streets of downtown Manhattan. Beautiful. Stunning. It's own little world.

Highline walk. Manhattan.

The Statue of Liberty in the Distance. Manhattan.

Highline walk. Manhattan.

Street Art. West Village. Manhattan.

West Village. Manhattan.

I am determined to see someone famous. I can't believe I haven't yet. I saw this man (above) walking through West Village with his little dog and I thought he must be famous! So I took a picture just in case! And below some sort of photo shoot. But still didn't recognise anyone.

Some photo shoot.

West Village. Manhattan.

Street Art. West Village. Manhattan.

Oh Hi Brooklyn.

The afternoon brought a visit to Brooklyn, Williamsburg. The instant you walk up and out of the subway you feel like you've travelled to a different city altogether. Brooklyn has it's own style and character and is a mere 5 minutes on the subway from Manhattan, the feeling is relaxed. The streets are beautiful and the buildings still hold a Manhattan feel. But here you can walk calmly (you want to walk calmly). People here are different. And everything about this place is intriguing.

Brooklyn. Williamsburg.

The Sunday Williamsburg Flea markets. Who wouldn't want to come here? Who wouldn't want to stay for hours and browse the stalls with a back drop like this. Not a cloud in sight. Is this place real? Am I actually here.