Run my dear.

Run my dear,

From anything that may not strengthen your precious budding wings.

Just when you think you know someone.... they go and change on you. Or do you change on them? Or did you ever really know them to begin with? Or is it even possible that you've both changed but in different directions? I've learned people change. They change forward, back and sideways. Including you. If you've ever attempted to sit on the front step and grab hold of time by the tail and yank it back in... you'll know it just isn't possible. Time will keep moving and the longer you stomp your foot at it, scrunching your eyebrows and frowning, the sooner you'll be looking in the mirror seeing those lines and wrinkles appearing (and they won't be smile lines). 

Moving away from 'home', whether its a new city, new town or new country, is a sure way to discover who that person is staring back at you in the mirror every morning. As I move into my 7th month in America, I find myself feeling like it was only yesterday that I arrived and I am certainly getting to know the girl in the mirror (although she keeps insisting on changing her hair colour). In 10 sleeps I will be packing my bags, clearing out my room and boarding a plane to Sydney Australia. I will have 4 weeks to spend with friends, family and the sun. Will they be the same? What if it's all different now? Or will it be me who is different? One thing I've learned for sure... is that life goes on (with or without you). 

“Let us live so that when we come to die even the undertaker will be sorry.”

I phoned my Dad last week and told him I would try and come 'home' for a few days while I am back in Sydney. And by home I meant Sisters Beach, Tasmania, the place I lived from ages 3-10 and 15-18. When the word came out of my mouth I realised I'd also used the word twice in the same day, in reference to Sydney and New York (am I cheating on my home?!!). I was honestly a little jolted, is it possible I'm confused with where my home is? Or is there a possibility I just acquired 3 places to call home?  Home for me is a place where I have my friends (not just acquaintance but friends who blur the lines with family), a favourite coffee shop and a place where my family lives. So yes, it looks like I now have 3 homes, 3 beautiful places to call home.

“Drag your thoughts away from your troubles… by the ears, by the heels, or any other way you can manage it.”

With extra time in the days it can be easy for your thoughts to wander into places you'd rather it not. Into places full of the unknown and the uncontrollable. Anxieties about the future and often the past. Throughout the months here I have certainly had days like this and just when you get to boiling point,  the strangest thing happens, you get jolted back to life... and to the life that is so shockingly wonderful and it's even more beautiful when you realise that it is your life, it's your life that is so wonderful. 

“Against the assault of laughter nothing can stand.”

A couple of weeks ago I went to my first 'Day & Night Brunch' in New York city. I remember typing away on my computer months and months ago in Sydney and looking at photos of this brunch and thinking "oh one day I hope I can go to that, it looks so fun!!". And here I was on a Saturday afternoon, dancing next to my friends at the ' Day & Night Brunch'.  

A place where the lights of the venue are switched off and sparklers are lit while a $10, 000 bottle of champagne is extravagantly delivered to the table. A place where you eat eggs benedict while the DJ is blasting beats all around you. A place where you're encouraged to dance and sing at 4pm in the afternoon. A place where some have their stilettos and tight dresses, others in pants and shirts and some in overalls and sunglasses. 

“It’s no wonder that truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense.”

Have you ever been to a car show where you sit and anxiously watch 4 V8 trucks drive at top speed straight at each other, with perfect timing and perfect speed they swiftly and safely glide past each other in a perfect X formation? This is how I believe life to be at the moment. You have to figure out the timing and speed needed to glide past all those moving around you and if you stand still too long you're going to get hit and towed away. As I danced to the music at the 'Day & Night Brunch' a friend turned to me and said "is this even our real life? or is our real life waiting back in Australia?". It is our real life. This is real life. Whatever it might look like and however it may have changed, it's still ours. And amongst the chaos we find our kind and stick together, forming new friends, family and a home. 

“Don’t go around saying the world owes you a living. The world owes you nothing. It was here first.”

Because the chances are...

"If the path before you is clear, you're probably on someone else's"

So put on some devil ears and a nuns constume and create the most wonderful version of yourself possible. Even if it isn't what others thought you were. Even if it isn't what others want from you. Even if you get a text message telling you that you've 'changed' and you're 'not the same' anymore, because  maybe those people are still sitting on the front step trying to grab hold of time by the tail... but time is busy passing them by. Whether you're dancing in a club or squatting in a patch of dirt on a farm picking pumpkins, you are exactly where you need to be and be whatever version of yourself you need to be until you find one that works better. 

“Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things that you didn’t do than by the ones you did. So throw off the bowlines. Sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the trade winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover.”

xxx